“Then he’ll be okay. I didn’t think I had you both when I was trying to figure out everything with Magnus. I thought that if Jace found out, he’d –“ Alec wasn’t sure what he’d expected. He’d just been afraid. Maybe he’d thought that Jace would ignore their bond, their friendship and hate him for either the infatuation or for simply being gay. “He didn’t. He even tried to help keep us together but I couldn’t see past the panic. Your Alec’s lucky that he knows that you both are supporting him and he doesn’t have to hide.”
It was still strange seeing an older, more mature Izzy than the one he grew up with. This version of her gave him hope that maybe his sister would quit letting their parents’ lives mold her into someone who couldn’t love openly. He’d spent so much time hiding his feelings and now she was doing the same, pretending to be indifferent while her heart was breaking instead of working things out with Simon. Alec knew that love wasn’t as simple as people claimed and that it might not work out for any of them, but Izzy had to try instead of pushing everyone away. Maybe when she was older, she’d be like this version of Isabelle and be willing to give people a chance instead of keeping her distance from everyone.
By the Angel, they were all messed up when it came to relationships. Shaking his head at the thought, he gave Izzy a small smile. “I’ll make sure to schedule once a week reminders.” Would his Izzy announce that she’d be his support like this one did? She’d been supportive and had helped when his heart had been broken, but he had the feeling this Izzy would have been more open and actually tried to talk to Magnus instead of the strange ‘Lightwoods are awesome and you should date one’ attempts his sister had made. “I’ve been trying to keep myself out of trouble. Remember, Jace was the main trouble maker. Or he was in my reality.” Was he that way in Izzy’s? Maybe he’d had a normal childhood there. “We have some of that family name responsibility back home but no one can really say anything about our methods when we won two wars for the Clave.” The comment was made simply. It wasn’t something to be proud of like some of the younger Shadowhunters thought. They’d fought. They’d won. The losses hadn’t made it worth it but at least there wasn’t a madman ruling the world. “If anyone ruined the Lightwood name it was our parents and our ancestors. They were loyal to Valentine. They did terrible things because they believed that his hatred would make the world better. And our ancestors…” His expression turned to distaste as he remembered Magnus’ story about a certain Lightwood. “One of them liked demons too much. I doubt any versions of us could tarnish the family name after all that.
“My parents run the Institute too but it was a punishment not a gift. They were exiled. None of us could go to Idris without permission until after the wars.” The Clave wasn’t going to continuing banning them after everything they’d done. “Robert and Maryse had done enough over the years to get political favor but they didn’t expect us to fix their reputations. Robert’s the Inquisitor now and Maryse is running the Institute most of the time.” Alec occasionally took on those duties but he preferred living with Magnus and helping his boyfriend with his work. Another sign that he was leaving the shadows cast by the elder Lightwoods.
Listening to Izzy’s description of Lydia, he realized how similar he was to her Alec. He would have made the same choice and could see why Lydia would have been someone that he would have accepted marrying. If Izzy thought Lydia was a good person, then she had to have something special that would have made her Alec think the marriage would work in some way. “If your brother is like me, then he never expected to be happy. It wasn’t something allowed. Neither was love.” But both versions of them had found it, even if it was complicated and messy and Alec occasionally wondered if things would ever work out.
“Wait till they find out they’re not related. Then everything will be even more awkward and weird.” But that hadn’t stopped Alec from teasing his parabatai over how Jace had pined over Clary. It’d been an effective way of keeping Jace from asking too many questions after his breakup with Magnus. “I’m not sure if I’m happy,” he admitted slowly after her comment about his jobs. “It keeps me busy and I’m one of the few people the vampires can’t whammy.” There was something, someone, who was making him almost happy, which was a subject he wasn’t sure he wanted Izzy asking about. “Izzy usually ignores anything related to my friends unless it’s about to cause serious damage.” Like the break up that Alec should have anticipated.
Meliorn wasn’t exactly a safer subject than Alec’s neighbor but at least it was one that Alec knew he could talk about easier than Sebastian. “I hope, for your sake, he isn’t a traitor. My Izzy dated him for awhile but it was casual.” Studying her thoughtfully, he noticed a few things that reminded him of how Izzy had acted whenever she’d gotten a little too close to someone. “You didn’t want to break it off?”
As he knelt beside Izzy, he tried not to think of what he could have done different. Dozens of different decisions he could have made. If he had listened to his instincts. If he hadn’t told himself that he was being his usual, distrustful self. If he hadn’t tried so hard to prove that he was finally an adult. If he’d listened to Max when he’d said that he didn’t like Sebastian/Jonathan. If he’d went back to the Penhallows’ house instead of fighting. There were so many changes that might have resulted in Max being alive. He ignored that his vision wavered, refusing to give in to the grief that he’d been holding in whenever he’d been near his sister. He’d been strong for his Izzy, refusing to let her see how much he hurt because he knew she blamed herself for Max’s death. She had been with him. She’d been unable to stop Sebastian. To her, all the guilt was hers alone but Alec knew that if he should have seen what was happening around them. “There were choices. I made the wrong ones.” Somehow his voice remained steady. “If I went back to the house instead of following the demons...”
Magnus would have died. Dozens of others would have been killed. But Max might still be alive. “I left them. I could have went back to keep them safe but I found Magnus and we were some of the only fighters left.” Alec had been so sure that Sebastian would protect them. He might not have liked his ‘cousin’, afraid that the teen saw more than he should but Sebastian was family. Why wouldn’t family look out for one another? “I thought that there was something odd about him but I told myself I was wrong. I was supposed to protect them. Mom and Dad told me to protect them. I failed and Izzy blames herself for it. I didn’t save Max and I can’t help her.”
no subject
It was still strange seeing an older, more mature Izzy than the one he grew up with. This version of her gave him hope that maybe his sister would quit letting their parents’ lives mold her into someone who couldn’t love openly. He’d spent so much time hiding his feelings and now she was doing the same, pretending to be indifferent while her heart was breaking instead of working things out with Simon. Alec knew that love wasn’t as simple as people claimed and that it might not work out for any of them, but Izzy had to try instead of pushing everyone away. Maybe when she was older, she’d be like this version of Isabelle and be willing to give people a chance instead of keeping her distance from everyone.
By the Angel, they were all messed up when it came to relationships. Shaking his head at the thought, he gave Izzy a small smile. “I’ll make sure to schedule once a week reminders.” Would his Izzy announce that she’d be his support like this one did? She’d been supportive and had helped when his heart had been broken, but he had the feeling this Izzy would have been more open and actually tried to talk to Magnus instead of the strange ‘Lightwoods are awesome and you should date one’ attempts his sister had made. “I’ve been trying to keep myself out of trouble. Remember, Jace was the main trouble maker. Or he was in my reality.” Was he that way in Izzy’s? Maybe he’d had a normal childhood there.
“We have some of that family name responsibility back home but no one can really say anything about our methods when we won two wars for the Clave.” The comment was made simply. It wasn’t something to be proud of like some of the younger Shadowhunters thought. They’d fought. They’d won. The losses hadn’t made it worth it but at least there wasn’t a madman ruling the world. “If anyone ruined the Lightwood name it was our parents and our ancestors. They were loyal to Valentine. They did terrible things because they believed that his hatred would make the world better. And our ancestors…” His expression turned to distaste as he remembered Magnus’ story about a certain Lightwood. “One of them liked demons too much. I doubt any versions of us could tarnish the family name after all that.
“My parents run the Institute too but it was a punishment not a gift. They were exiled. None of us could go to Idris without permission until after the wars.” The Clave wasn’t going to continuing banning them after everything they’d done. “Robert and Maryse had done enough over the years to get political favor but they didn’t expect us to fix their reputations. Robert’s the Inquisitor now and Maryse is running the Institute most of the time.” Alec occasionally took on those duties but he preferred living with Magnus and helping his boyfriend with his work. Another sign that he was leaving the shadows cast by the elder Lightwoods.
Listening to Izzy’s description of Lydia, he realized how similar he was to her Alec. He would have made the same choice and could see why Lydia would have been someone that he would have accepted marrying. If Izzy thought Lydia was a good person, then she had to have something special that would have made her Alec think the marriage would work in some way. “If your brother is like me, then he never expected to be happy. It wasn’t something allowed. Neither was love.” But both versions of them had found it, even if it was complicated and messy and Alec occasionally wondered if things would ever work out.
“Wait till they find out they’re not related. Then everything will be even more awkward and weird.” But that hadn’t stopped Alec from teasing his parabatai over how Jace had pined over Clary. It’d been an effective way of keeping Jace from asking too many questions after his breakup with Magnus. “I’m not sure if I’m happy,” he admitted slowly after her comment about his jobs. “It keeps me busy and I’m one of the few people the vampires can’t whammy.” There was something, someone, who was making him almost happy, which was a subject he wasn’t sure he wanted Izzy asking about. “Izzy usually ignores anything related to my friends unless it’s about to cause serious damage.” Like the break up that Alec should have anticipated.
Meliorn wasn’t exactly a safer subject than Alec’s neighbor but at least it was one that Alec knew he could talk about easier than Sebastian. “I hope, for your sake, he isn’t a traitor. My Izzy dated him for awhile but it was casual.” Studying her thoughtfully, he noticed a few things that reminded him of how Izzy had acted whenever she’d gotten a little too close to someone. “You didn’t want to break it off?”
As he knelt beside Izzy, he tried not to think of what he could have done different. Dozens of different decisions he could have made. If he had listened to his instincts. If he hadn’t told himself that he was being his usual, distrustful self. If he hadn’t tried so hard to prove that he was finally an adult. If he’d listened to Max when he’d said that he didn’t like Sebastian/Jonathan. If he’d went back to the Penhallows’ house instead of fighting. There were so many changes that might have resulted in Max being alive. He ignored that his vision wavered, refusing to give in to the grief that he’d been holding in whenever he’d been near his sister. He’d been strong for his Izzy, refusing to let her see how much he hurt because he knew she blamed herself for Max’s death. She had been with him. She’d been unable to stop Sebastian. To her, all the guilt was hers alone but Alec knew that if he should have seen what was happening around them. “There were choices. I made the wrong ones.” Somehow his voice remained steady. “If I went back to the house instead of following the demons...”
Magnus would have died. Dozens of others would have been killed. But Max might still be alive. “I left them. I could have went back to keep them safe but I found Magnus and we were some of the only fighters left.” Alec had been so sure that Sebastian would protect them. He might not have liked his ‘cousin’, afraid that the teen saw more than he should but Sebastian was family. Why wouldn’t family look out for one another? “I thought that there was something odd about him but I told myself I was wrong. I was supposed to protect them. Mom and Dad told me to protect them. I failed and Izzy blames herself for it. I didn’t save Max and I can’t help her.”