"It did, Izzy." There was no hurt in his tone, only the acceptance that he'd been working on since he'd come to terms with his life. "You and Max adored Jace. He was the amazing brother. The two of you wanted to be like him. He was the one who was special. Not because of the angel blood, but because of who Jace is." It'd hurt, especially with Max, but at least his little brother had had someone to look up to. Someone's memory who had helped him be brave during the worst moments. "I know that Maryse and Robert preferred the three of you." Knowing he'd sound angry and bitter, he stopped before he mentioned the parts of his life that had hurt the worst. The night Magnus had healed him and the realization that his parents would never accept the person he loved.
"I know what you'd do. You would protect us while always looking perfect. I'm learning to quit wishing they'd accept me. It take time and Robert did apologize. I just haven't decided if I can forgive him." Magnus told him that time would ease the wound but Alec's time was finite. His life might not be long enough for him to move toward that maturity. "Telling me once that I was a good man doesn't make up for years of treating me like I was less."
Rolling his eyes, he considered the other version of himself. "If he was like I was pre-Magnus, he would have panicked and ran away. It took Clary forcing me to see who I loved most to realize it was Magnus." Eventually, he would have told his parents. He'd promised Magnus that but that rune had been the motivator he'd needed. "I owe her a lot. If she hadn't done that... Everyone says that I made it okay to be gay but if she hadn't given me that shove, I don't know if I would have came out like that."
It still unnerved him at times. The younger Shadowhunters stared at him like he was as colorful as Magnus or the way Mundanes stared at movie stars. He'd changed things for them, proved to them that it was okay to be out of the closet, but that didn't mean that he was used to the attention.
"Better to trip over his words than the stairs," he deadpanned, waiting to see if Izzy realized that he was being truthful. "At least he could talk about Magnus. I sulked and didn't speak to anyone except to comfort you over Simon. I freaked any time anyone mentioned him." Rubbing the back of his neck, he gave her a sheepish look. "I probably would have described him like that before trying to find the quickest way out of the room." Lydia again. Who had she been in their lives that Izzy's Alec would plan to marry her? Maybe her Alec had thought he loved her. That was a kinder thought that some he had about the wedding after what Izzy had said about needing to protect someone.
"I know it's not but it's not an easy topic. It'll hurt and -" Letting out a sigh, he tried to think of a way to reassure her. "The wars were bad. Truly terrible things happened. We learned the Valentine wasn't the worst evil out there among the Shadowhunters. I promise to tell you. If you want, I'll tell you today but not standing in the middle of the kitchen." Their brother deserved better than that. So did Izzy once she knew the details of that battle.
"The problem with Jace working things out in his own time is that violence is how he works them out," Alec grumbled, finally remembering the coffee and breakfast that he'd been planning as he'd left Red Rum. "He really did trash a werewolf bar. He probably would've have died if Luke hadn't told the wolves to stop. I should've known he'd do something stupid but Maryse was too busy yelling at me for me to go after him." He still should have went. He should have known what his parabatai would do.
Moving to the cupboard, he pulled out the coffee, shrugging as he grabbed what he needed. "I don't sleep much. I work two jobs so I don't have to think about home," he offered as an apology. "You'll think I'm weird when I start singing that song. And if you see Brother Zachariah, you'll understand why I couldn't stop staring."
That had to be a difference between her Alec and himself. If he was that repressed, he probably never would admit that he had checked out anyone, let alone talk about guys with his little sister. "I know it'll probably be weird to talk about another version of you but I just hope that she can be happy. She needs to let go of what our parents did." Measuring out coffee, he studied her thoughtfully. "Maybe she'll be more like you when she's older." Hitting the start button, he arched an eyebrow, knowing that he was probably going to provoke a 'fight'. "I'm going to assume I shouldn't let you near the stove."
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"I know what you'd do. You would protect us while always looking perfect. I'm learning to quit wishing they'd accept me. It take time and Robert did apologize. I just haven't decided if I can forgive him." Magnus told him that time would ease the wound but Alec's time was finite. His life might not be long enough for him to move toward that maturity. "Telling me once that I was a good man doesn't make up for years of treating me like I was less."
Rolling his eyes, he considered the other version of himself. "If he was like I was pre-Magnus, he would have panicked and ran away. It took Clary forcing me to see who I loved most to realize it was Magnus." Eventually, he would have told his parents. He'd promised Magnus that but that rune had been the motivator he'd needed. "I owe her a lot. If she hadn't done that... Everyone says that I made it okay to be gay but if she hadn't given me that shove, I don't know if I would have came out like that."
It still unnerved him at times. The younger Shadowhunters stared at him like he was as colorful as Magnus or the way Mundanes stared at movie stars. He'd changed things for them, proved to them that it was okay to be out of the closet, but that didn't mean that he was used to the attention.
"Better to trip over his words than the stairs," he deadpanned, waiting to see if Izzy realized that he was being truthful. "At least he could talk about Magnus. I sulked and didn't speak to anyone except to comfort you over Simon. I freaked any time anyone mentioned him." Rubbing the back of his neck, he gave her a sheepish look. "I probably would have described him like that before trying to find the quickest way out of the room." Lydia again. Who had she been in their lives that Izzy's Alec would plan to marry her? Maybe her Alec had thought he loved her. That was a kinder thought that some he had about the wedding after what Izzy had said about needing to protect someone.
"I know it's not but it's not an easy topic. It'll hurt and -" Letting out a sigh, he tried to think of a way to reassure her. "The wars were bad. Truly terrible things happened. We learned the Valentine wasn't the worst evil out there among the Shadowhunters. I promise to tell you. If you want, I'll tell you today but not standing in the middle of the kitchen." Their brother deserved better than that. So did Izzy once she knew the details of that battle.
"The problem with Jace working things out in his own time is that violence is how he works them out," Alec grumbled, finally remembering the coffee and breakfast that he'd been planning as he'd left Red Rum. "He really did trash a werewolf bar. He probably would've have died if Luke hadn't told the wolves to stop. I should've known he'd do something stupid but Maryse was too busy yelling at me for me to go after him." He still should have went. He should have known what his parabatai would do.
Moving to the cupboard, he pulled out the coffee, shrugging as he grabbed what he needed. "I don't sleep much. I work two jobs so I don't have to think about home," he offered as an apology. "You'll think I'm weird when I start singing that song. And if you see Brother Zachariah, you'll understand why I couldn't stop staring."
That had to be a difference between her Alec and himself. If he was that repressed, he probably never would admit that he had checked out anyone, let alone talk about guys with his little sister. "I know it'll probably be weird to talk about another version of you but I just hope that she can be happy. She needs to let go of what our parents did." Measuring out coffee, he studied her thoughtfully. "Maybe she'll be more like you when she's older." Hitting the start button, he arched an eyebrow, knowing that he was probably going to provoke a 'fight'. "I'm going to assume I shouldn't let you near the stove."